Suddenly walls, doors, windows are surrounding me. 
And there is sadness and coldness around as well. Everything feels unnatural… Is it unnatural?!
From pure wildness, freedom and nature back to this „middle European“ live. Trying to live in a flat!

Running water for having almost luxuries beauty programs (well, I am talking about showers and shavings).
Running water which is every second where I am using it reminding me to India. So many villages I passed, where no one had running water in their houses at all… Running water, which is especially now such an important thing. Wish I could wash all those little Indian child hands with this clean running water…

Electricity, which does allow me listening to music as loud as I want to. I really missed listening to music! But now, where I have the opportunity to do, I don’t feel like anymore. Its not even touching anything inside my soul. 

A kitchen, where I can cook whatever I missed to cook during my journey…. But nothing does taste like the easiest food I prepared at the seaside….
With sand and dirt….

And SHAME! don’t forget about this toilet paper fight. Isn’t that embarrassing?
I didn’t use any toilet paper since I arrived in Turkey. Since than, I have been on Cyprus, in Georgia and Armenia, Dubai and India without even missing this little peace of paper! People aren’t used to it! They do use water instead, which to me makes a lot of more sense and its much more hygienically!
The world is dealing with such a big, big problem and the germans they don’t have anything else to do than complaining about missing toilet paper to keep their a** clean? They do cover it as a joke. But actually they do mean it seriously! Thats even more sad.
I just cant get it.

Those who have been following me and seeing my pictures on Instagram, they might recognized, that I have been wearing almost the same clothe every day.
I was so excited to get back my favorite skirts, dresses…… Haven’t been sure anymore what I left home, have been sorting out my cloth before I started traveling.
When I saw how much I still had…. What should I do with eight pullovers and nine pairs of trousers? Four pairs of shoes, three scarfs?! …….
I had even more before I left Germany and now even my final collection of my favorite pieces seems still to be a way too much compared to the same, daily outfit I have been wearing for months!

I missed quite a lot during my journey. But in the end, and thats what I realize right now, I had everything I needed to be happy. To feel inner peace, satisfaction. I did miss my good coffee in the morning. But I do miss these mornings, where I missed my coffee, much more.
I did miss my friends. But they have always been in my mind and heart.. Now, COVID-19 is keeping a distance which doesn’t let me recognize a huge different!

I have been missing a lot of food. I wished to have a german breakfast with good cheese instead of preparing boring porridge like I did mostly every day.
I didnt know that I am able to eat cheese without any enthusiasm. I have been waiting for so long to eat a bread with cheese…
Its not thrilling me at all anymore!
Damn! Bring me back to my camping cooker. Give me back the smell of petrol while using it. Bring me back the most boring porridge in the world.
Right now its just turning into the best breakfast I can imagine! 

I knew how much I loved traveling by bike. I knew how much I appreciated that I am able to realize my dreams of paddling the world.
But now I do even more know how much I love it. I do much more appreciate that I have been able to realize my dream of paddling the world. 

Now I do sleep again in a bed.
A real bed, with a real blanket. With my lovely cuddly toy. I fall to sleep without any feeling ob being hungry. I fall to sleep without being stinky, yes, I use to have daily showers!
BUT….
I fall to sleep and do feel uncomfortable like I never did before.
Since I never liked sleeping in a tent but in my hammock, I do really mean that I slept OUTSIDE when I talk about that. 

I slept outside. 

I felt the wind, I have been watching the sky transforming from day to night and night to day. Have been counting stars.
Often I have been counting falling stars as well…. I never mentioned a single wish to those falling stars….course I have been wishless. 
I faced the moon for hours. Talked to him. He talked to me, somehow. And sometimes he forgot about letting me know that its going to rain… why I sometimes woke up in the middle of the night and had to pitch my tarp……The sounds of waves, crickets, mosquitoes, leaves, trees have become familiar to me….
Nature in general has become familiar to me. 
I do miss that all. And its even more than missing. It feels like I cant stand without. 

And beside dealing with that feeling and trying to figure out how to come out of it, I even feel kind of ashamed that I am not satisfied with what I have, especially in such a situation everybody of us is dealing with right know….COVID-19. 

I am wondering if I am just discontent because I had to pause my trip quite unexpectedly… had to decide to turn back within a couple of hours and settle in this corona situation….
Or might I just don’t belong to this „normal“ lifestyle anymore?!
Maybe I never did?
I need to find out. 

I expected that its not gonna be easy returning and settling home. But I didn’t expected its gonna be that challenging.
Challenging to me? Challenging to every traveler? 

Challenging to me cause I am not able to deal with that? Or is it just challenging because I don’t want to?

I basically don’t know. 

But I want to find out. I need to find out. I will.
And definitely: I need to turn back. 
Turn back to my travel live. 
Thats whats suppose to be my lifestyle! Obviously!
Thats what I am seeking for.

Traveling. The known unknown.  

As long as I am not able to cross borders by bike I will try to make the best thing out of it.
And I gonna start with a little hike. Walking from Unna to Norden, to see my Dad. Above 300 kilometers, just me, back to the nature.
Social distance. Corona-news distance.
Probably the best opportunity to refresh my mind.